Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
