I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
