I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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