Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize