I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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