bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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