we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
