no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
