we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
