If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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