I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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