Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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