You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
