You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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