Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
