I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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