Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
