you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
