found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
