I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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