OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
