how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
