so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
