you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
