I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
