I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
