Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
