We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
false alarm, still single
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
