Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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