I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
