woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
