i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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