i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
