I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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