True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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