This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
