in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
