dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
