From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
