New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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