Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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