So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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