do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
