I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
