So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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