fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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