found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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