Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
