shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
either way he was missing a nipple.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
