Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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