So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
