Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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