I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
