Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
