I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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