Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i am craving dick and cupcakes