I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?