Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants