Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
