At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
