I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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