it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
