So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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