There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
