There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
