I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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