my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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