You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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