Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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